I used to suffer from insecurity for 2 half years, deeply into disturbing the normal life. I know the fact that many conditions during one’s life lead to feeling unsafe and mostly fade away in a very short period of time. But what came to me was that, I felt strong uneasy lasting 5 to 6 months each time for twice. During the 1st half year I went into this illness, I thought a lot of things, reflecting myself, observing different people in neighbor, finding answers in books, watching movies as well as doing sports to refit myself.
None was helpful enough to get me out of the depression.
After the professional intervention and healthy training, I was reborn from the 1st half year depression life. I became so happy and so curious about every thing around me. My life went into a very open way and I wanted to try every thing attractive to me, which seemed meaningless in my earlier depression time. So I started to change my view to a statistical way, which means that the probability of getting good things in life is an uniformly distributed fact. The more chance we try, the higher probability we get it. And following this way, I made a “wonderful” time schedule to optimize my time consuming both for living and working.
Unfortunately, the method I was relying on was proved wrong soon in less than one year’s time after I fell into depression again. During the 2nd lasting unhappy period, I tried to avoid modeling the world to make my heart comfortable, but thought directly into the very simple question: Why would I fall into depression? Obviously I didn’t manage to settle it in the gap of the 1st depression period and the 2nd. And bad things happened again to take my soul into the evil world.
I came out of the 2nd period of depression with the help of great support of my family & my girlfriend, as well as keeping healthy training myself. This time, I felt becoming positive gradually, not jumping directly into happiness as the 1st time, and I made more mental adjustment to figure out what on earth made me depressed.The final answer comes into insecurity.
From what I see as I grew up, young people who are extremely excellent in their school work are more likely to feel kind of insecurity. I don’t know why but I will list it as an assumption. Maybe they are more sensitive to grade, comparison and the judges from others, since a bit of insecurity will alert one to achieve more little by little.
As the challenging varies from time to time, it is very hard to balance the property mood of insecurity beneficial to success. Especially for perfectionists, they will feel more and more insecurity when handling tough tasks in the way of pursuing the best solution. And when the trial and error scheme crash, they themselves break down too by a sense of every trial is meaningless.
The feeling of insecurity makes one focus on inner world more than the outer world, thus believing himself rather than getting help from others. What’s more, one will have the fully control of his inner world and manage it in a optimal way, which is deterministic and highly scheduled. But to our disappointment, the outer world is of highly uncertainty, one cannot optimize the inner world plan to get the best solution for granted. This does really hurt. To avoid facing this natural rule directly, one may trust the tricks in success theories, such as try more time, do the rehearsal once again to gain a high probability of achieving it. But the simple fact is, uncertainty is uncertainty! No one controls whether it happens by probabilities. Being an adult needs to accept the uncertainty of the world and game with it rather than do more sampling to avoid the insecurity.